2017

Momentous year of changes I would say...

Spent the first 5 months being pregnant, and then the next 7 months struggling to learn how to be a mom. Mothering doesn't come naturally to me at all, so it's been a steep learning curve.

So yes 2017 was mostly about welcoming the little one and coming to terms with the fact that life is no longer the same. Battling a bout of blues weeks after delivery... darn those hormones. Confined at home during confinement. Lots of frustrating moments when the baby doesn't cooperate. When the baby falls sick. When the baby cries.

Sometimes I look at Cell and wonder how come we made such a cute baby, hahaha! But I'm pretty sure those are just very biased thoughts that every parent has. She's starting to be her own little human now! She makes everyone so happy when she coos and smiles. Can't believe it's already 7 months since that fateful night of pushing, which eventually resulted in an emergency c-sect.

This year we didn't get to travel much. Bangkok in March for one last baby-free holiday, and then we adventurously (or foolishly? Lol) brought Cell to Perth in November. Perth was a good experience, I did enjoy the time we spent as a family of 3. But it did come with lots of inconveniences too.

I foresee next year this year we won't get to travel much too. Hopefully we can bring Cell on a cruise or something.

Health wise... I think my health hasn't been great last year. Especially after birth. My hives are back with a vengeance recently (the cooler weather didn't help). Fell sick a couple of times. Definitely ate less healthily than before (breastfeeding gave me a one-way ticket to fatdom) and I can count the number of times I exercised post-partum on one hand. :( For a person who used to pride myself on keeping fit and active... this definitely was something I had to adjust to. My waist is now as thick as a tree trunk. Hope to find more time to exercise this coming year. And erm, drink less bubble tea and eat less sweet stuff!!!

Relationships wise, I've been meeting my friends a lot less frequently too. Especially after the birth of Cell. I guess all my friends are also at that stage where they have to juggle family life and other commitments, so naturally meetups get lesser and lesser. Hope things improve this year!

I appreciate my mom more now too. My MIL... haha well work in progress. I think I think better of her when we were not staying under one roof. But sometimes it's my own perception that I need to manage.

I'm glad that le husband has always been very supportive and hands-on and understanding, for the most part. It's very easy to neglect your partner when there's a baby in the picture. So yeah more appreciation for the husband this year! And try not to get irritated with minor things!

Work wise... not so good. Had a really bad and scathing work review with my boss end Nov. Basically she told me to buck up la and said that my lack of urgency was a major issue for her. I myself know that I haven't been the most diligent worker. But I really don't feel motivated at my job lor. Hopefully this year will open up more opportunities for me, and if the plan for me is not to move, then at least I hope I start to feel more motivated at work? LOL.

And this year, we look forward to receiving the keys to our new house! Finally a place to call our own! I've been waiting for this day for years... please let us collect our keys sooner rather than later!

After all that rambling, I pray for safety and health for all of us and our loved ones. Pray for Cell to grow up to be a happy, healthy girl. Pray for myself to be a good wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend. Pray for our finances. Pray for our house. Basically things that I always pray about la haha.

Found a half written post of photos sitting in my drafts!

Might as well post it now. Staycation at Capri by Fraser Residences for no good reason! Haha actually it was the tail end of the September holidays and it also happened to be our 17th month together (at point of staycation). We're toddler age now! Haha.

In fact my parents also went to Capri for a staycation this weekend because it was their 30th wedding anniversary yesterday. They are quite productive seeing that I was born just 1 year later haha. We had a family dinner at Majestic Bay on Sunday after I "booked out" of my EE weekend and she said "(三十年) 不容易".
Then I proceeded to ask her for some tips since you know, I just came out from 48 hours of intensive dialoguing with Paul and was feeling all motivated to be in this (i.e. marriage) for the long haul. But then she said "有孩子了 of course 不容易". Alamak I wanted tips for a long lasting marriage la!

OK digressing.

Exploring the kitchenette... room was really big and spacious! Compared to our recent stay at Moon Hotel (for my birthday)... Moon Hotel was just a tiny square with no windows and no walking space :x

But ok Moon was $99 only so mai hiam haha

Room has a magic partition that you can lower so that your bed is separated from the "living" area!

Our booking included ingredients for us to "cook" dinner. Actually no need cook la, everything here is quite edible even without cooking.

So we had salad! and the fishball was from the fishball soup we tabao-ed from the food fair at the Expo haha

Awwww bears all tucked in and happily snoozing

They have little rooms on every level with different items inside... found a punching bag in one

And a unicycle thing on another floor

Also posted some other photos from the staycation on my Dayre... for more visit http://dayre.me/hahaheehee/eJ9Yx7FolN. I am too lazy to update!

Sometimes ah~

Not that I don't want to be encouraging or supportive but sometimes it gets quite exasperating if the person you're trying to enlighten doesn't see the light! Sorry ah, I don't know how else I can help.

Let's just say I have a friend who is single and she is very very very eager to find her life partner. Her wish is simple - which is to travel with her life partner.

But at the same time she is a wee bit mopey about it, gets discouraged easily, feels that her life partner will never come, thinks about it all the time, gets anxious and impatient, questions where her life partner is and why isn't God bringing the person to her, and sometimes I get the sense that she is envious of what others have because she knows she'll never get the chance to experience it.

I mean, 爱情不能强求 right? Like Saint's famous words, when it comes, it comes. Or the famous taxi analogy, it comes when you don't want it and it doesn't come when you want it. Or maybe it appears when you least expect it. Of course, always good to keep an open mind like when I was single hurhur and met a few weirdos during the Journey to Better Things - but treat it like a bonus. Excellent if you get one! But if you don't, well life goes on.

I understand where she is coming from because it can honestly get quite sian when all your friends are like busy with their other halves or you're out with a bunch of friends + their halves and you're the only single lonesome person. So I tell her, you need to be patient, let go and trust God since she believes that He has a plan for her. Good things will come. Then comes remarks like "easier said than done", "only I know the pain and how much I want the bonus (i.e. life partner)".

Hitherto lies the problem - if you are longing for it so much, the more you won't get it. Sometimes it's like the universe is conspiring against you. The more you want something, the more difficult it is to attain it. At least that's how I see it, especially when it comes to the intangibles like love, the more desperate you search, the harder it is to find. I think the best way out of this is to LET GO and stop harping on the fact that you have no life partner. Let the universe do its own thing.

Plus if your mindset's already negative then I would think like attracts like; people generally gravitate towards positivity. Also how do you expect to meet new people if all you do is to stay at home?

I would be very happy to see her happy because she is a very loyal friend and she deserves to be happy but sometimes I think my Ms Fix-It tendencies kick in and I try to give her advice, which ends up frustrating me because she is not receptive to my solutions.

Oh well. Sometimes there's no need to offer help when it's not needed; clearly this is a situation where she wants to be left alone to mope in her deep dark thoughts and she probably thinks that I am not in a position console her.

In other news, my LITTLE SISTER is reading the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy. *horror gasp*
I tried to ask her (awkward much) if she knows what the book is about and I said there's adult content. (I obviously suck at the birds and bees talk.)

She said she already finished reading the 2nd book and wanted to read the 1st to have context of the story.
-_____-"

I am not sure if a book about SM and tall dark handsome men with issues and vulnerable young things who succumbs to said tall dark handsome man is appropriate for a 16-year-old. I didn't even read sex scenes in books till I was about 17 or 18! And I am not sure if she has the mental capabilities to differentiate between fact and fiction. You know teens these days tend to be very influenced by what they see and read. And not to mention the repetitive adjectives and descriptive phrases, I mean, this book is not what we would call "brain nourishment". At least read a book with better writing!!!

But then sigh, what can I do right. Even if she doesn't get the book from me she'll get it from other sources. I shall trust that my sister is smart enough not to be influenced by 3 books and repetitive words; I think teens nowadays are smarter than we give them credit for. And besides she probably already knows more than what I think she knows. I was a very suaku kid last time but times have changed! Unforuntately she is very very very angsty. I sure hope this angsty teen thing is just a phase.

Shinhwa's 16th anniversary concert was held in Seoul over the weekend and I forgot about it! :(
I have failed as a Shinhwa fan. Hahaha.

OK I have a stack of payment vouchers waiting for me to check. Sigh.

WISH I WAS STILL ON HOLIDAY. :x

Haha I've got some shocking photos ahead.

I'm 27 now and I basically spent the prime of my youth being fat. Hahaha. When I look back this in future I can laugh at how bad I looked in my 20s.

So I tried to find not so flattering photos of myself with terrible angles especially during the period when I was fat... goodness why didn't anybody tell me I looked so bad? Hahahaha. Well now you have been warned as we take a walk down memory lane...
 

20th birthday, still got that 青春 look hor

21st birthday

22nd birthday - just before I entered the workforce. Getting plump!

 

OMG SIYI WHAT HAPPENED?!?!?! It's like I just exploded LOL. 23rd birthday btw hahaha

This was in April 2009, the figure is just 三层肉 please

March 2010, on my sis's birthday. I'm like double the size of my sister :(

June 2010 which is around the period when I started to slim down I think. The best way to lose weight? Get your heart broken hahahahaha #truestory

25th birthday

26th birthday. Ok this one the angle is misleading, it makes my face look sharper when it's probably not haha

27th birthday, this one also misleading angle

Not so long after 27th birthday

Ahaha are you still reeling from the aftershock? Seriously the period of one's early-mid 20s should be when they are most attractive, most youthful, most exuberant, most vibrant and most energetic... and I'm like... a glob of lard. Hahahaha. Thank goodness I've now started to erm, keep a healthier lifestyle. Hopefully my face and figure won't revert back to those days hurhur. I lost a lot of my photos from 2008 to 2010 thanks to my old computer which crashed... (that's why I had no photo of my 24th birthday boohoo) I think that was probably so that I won't be reminded of my fat and ugly days hahaha. And if you want to know how I will look like when pregnant? I think those pictures will serve as useful reference LOL.

My sister says I don't look like I aged that much, that's very consoling! :D I hope I still look the same on my 28th, 29th and 30th birthday. Anyway may these photos serve as a good reminder for myself and serve as motivation if you want to lose weight. :)

What happened on Good Friday:


Drove in to JB and was stuck in a Jam at the Tuas 2nd link for 2 hours :x


The look and feel is the same, but the size is only about 1/3 of the ones in US




Coach is super expensive there





I am the official photographer hahaha

Oh and I finally bought the Panasonic 20mm f/1.7 pancake lens after much deliberation!
According to the guy at the camera shop (I was bombarding him with lots of questions haha), it's a good lens for potrait shots. With a lower F-stop (hence shallow focus - I think?), you can achieve the bokeh effect!

I haven't really had the chance to play around with it, so here are some test shots that I snapped.


Those out of focus lights in the background produce the bokeh effect!


My new buys at the Mitju sale. Cheap man! The silver glittery wedges were only $8 and the mustard flats $15!


Shinhwa's 10th album! <3 Collected it on Saturday and lugged it all around town. :x


My favourite test subject hee :)


My new pancake lens! Costs a hefty $545 but I managed to save $200 thanks to Capitaland vouchers + StanChart credit card cashback :)


The original lens that came with my Olympus Mini. The pancake lens definitely shaves off some of the bulk.
The flip side is that I can't zoom at all with the pancake lens. :( Guess I need to do "manual" zooming - i.e. walk nearer towards my subject!


This wasn't shot with my new lens but here's a nice photo of us at Canton-i! :)
Sad that the long weekend is over just like that. WE NEED MORE LONG WEEKENDS PLEASE! :x

Last weekend.

Since the friends wouldn't come to the panna cotta, the panna cotta had to go to the friends. And so I self-invited myself and Empress on the pretext of force feeding them my panna cotta and interfered with Saint's brownie baking (she had to bake some for a party). Heh.

(24 March, coincidentally happened to be Shinhwa's 14th anniversary and comeback concert in Seoul. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO THE MOST LEGENDARY K-POP GROUP OF ALL TIME!)




Rocky walls


Artistic much? LOL
April's Fool. Dinner to celebrate my dad's birthday.


The food is good so I would definitely "再来"!


Their specialty. Yums slurps.


Tofu with cai pok


Har cheong kai
I'm still slow at trying to take nice pictures because there are too many knobs and buttons to press on my camera. By the time I get the settings right...

-time passes-


Every dish was good! I liked the prawns with salted egg yolk but the close-up photo of it was overexposed :(


Not a morsel left
Then we went to see my sister's new house! Or rather, the showflat. :D




I'm gonna come and use their pool, their gym, their BBQ pit... LOL

I told my mother I don't like kids and hope never ever to have any and she says that my thinking is "不正常".

Yah anyway she doesn't know that I have such a strong aversion towards kids. Surprise surprise, I've already started disliking them when I was a teenager. So she tried to pry and find out the root of the problem.

I mean kids are largely irritating, noisy, difficult and expensive to raise; they drive you to your grave early, and you have to be responsible for that human being who might turn out to be disappointing and a shitty member of society. You worry about their education, who they mix with and give yourself all sorts of unnecessary stress. This was what I observed over the years. If you can't be a good mother, then don't give birth to the kid.

But I think what sparked this immense dislike is probably due to the birth of my little sister. There, I said it. I think that change of events and family dynamics made me more psychologically unstable than I realized. LOL.

Then again I think it lies in my personality. Zero maternal instincts. Zero need to coo at babies. Zero need to want to carry them. Therein lies the conundrum. Our personalities are developed from the spate of events that happen to you, or are they inborn?

It could also be because I am self-centered and selfish, and do not see the need to care for another fragile human being and take the time to nurture it. That one, I can give no excuses.

Of course, this is purely my personal and very selfish opinion, which I would say is not the way the government wants its fertile demographic to think. So go forth and populate! In fact, I've received good news from a close ex-colleague that she's expecting a Dragon kiddo this year! Heartiest congratulations are in order! :D I will definitely be visiting her when she pops but I've already made a caveat to not expect me to carry the Dragon kiddo. Heh.

My little sister got whacked by my mother for no rhyme or reason. Ok, maybe for a reason, but I hardly consider it serious enough to deserve the smacking. Would you smack your kid HARD and start yelling at her just because she has not gone to bed even though it's way past her bedtime? Now this is the sort of authoritative parenting one should avoid. Tiger mothers? Tough love? You will end up producing a child like specimen: ME and I think that's hardly desirable because there are lots of unflattering traits of mine that I think are a direct result of this so-called tough love. Sometimes I don't even like how ME turned out. And if I always note these bits of parenting no-nos in the unfortunate event that I have kids.

Maybe my aversion towards having kids is a manifestation of such. Because I do not want to raise another similar human being or see a projection of myself in mini-ME.

Well, my little sister's personality is such that she WILL rebuke, loudly and rudely. I will not be surprised if she turns out to be rebellious, full of angst and at odds with the world. I was unfortunately not that rebellious sort.

Sometimes I wish I could just shut my mother up because I am sick of her LISTEN TO ME I AM ALWAYS RIGHT YOU HAVE NO SAY draconian personality. But oh whatever, when you turn into an adult, you get mellow, you let things slide. Still, don't we all hope for a little independence sometimes? Till I turn 35 and get my own house...

The PSLE results were released on Thursday, and I think my little sister is pretty disappointed with what she got... For someone who spends more time watching TV than studying, I can't say that I'm very surprised. But hopefully this "setback" will spur her to work harder and be more mature. Hopefully!

Anyway my mother seems pretty much concerned for her emotional well being and emphasized at great length that we should continue to show her much encouragement and care. In case she feels inferior and unworthy and stupid. Ah, the delicate emotions of a tween. So she gets a BEAST album for her effort! (Yes, she's mad crazy about this Korean boyband. Crazier than I am.)

I feel my yearly cough developing... ugh not good not good. :(

My little sister's facebook status reads - "to become B2ST's 100% fan, i seriously need to put: learn how to write all their korean names and memorize their profiles as my goal.."

I think she is a worse fangirl than I am - for some reason I find this incredibly childish and juvenile! Haha. Pot calling the kettle black. :p

The year was 1998. I remember 12 years ago, I came home from my cello lesson and they told me that my mom popped. It was a Tuesday. I remember because cello lessons are always on Tuesdays.

Today is also a Tuesday. And my little sister turns 12! She was very grumpy today and throwing petty tantrums. And refusing to take photos.

But still. Time flies!

My mom is back after 2 weeks of holidaying in Europe!!!
That means no more clothes washing for me!!! *jumps around*

Unfortunately, she met with a sneaky pickpocket on the 3rd day of her trip and lost about $2K. Geez it seems like Europe is really unsafe. Not only that, someone in her tour group got their camera stolen right from their hotel room. And my sister's friend had her bag stolen when she was there 2 years ago. If I ever get the chance to go there, I'm gonna stuff money down my socks and tape money to my body. HAHA.

$2K is really a lot of money! That's like one month's worth of my salary.

My mother happily went off to Europe on a 2-week long trip, leaving behind my little sister who kept crying on the day she left. Annoyingly that means I suddenly have to take care of her, whatever that means. 싫어! I think it's high time for my little sister to learn how to be independent. Anyway I think she will soon reach the age when she will stop sticking to my mother and start sticking to her friends.

An MIA mother also means I have to do the laundry. And iron the whole world's clothes. I haven't done the ironing part yet (that's what weekends are for - to catch up on ironing - oh bemoan my sad un-happening life) but it's only Day 2 of clothes washing and I am bloody sian of it!!! Washing rinsing dumping into machine hanging it up taking it down UGH! Another 13 or more days of clothes washing!!! :(

I realized that I don't think I can ever set up a family. I am perfectly happy to wash my own clothes but I think I will be very unhappy washing other people's. Just as well, since I have no maternal instinct and don't like kids very much. Everybody, please appreciate your mother. Especially if she does the laundry.

Okay stop complaining it's just washing a few measly pieces of cloth right?

Hah I think I will probably start complaining about the ironing when the weekend comes. :x

I finally finished watching 学警狙撃 at 5am this morning. This has got to be the most exciting HK drama I've ever watched! Full of twists and turns and the baddies aren't written as the typical one-dimensional evil character either. Bravo to the scriptwriter!

I've read 6 copies of 8 Days in a span of 4 days! I shall aim to reach Issue 1000 (that's the Dec 13 issue) by the end of my break. 9 more copies to go omg.

On 初二 I went to my grandmother's house to 拜年 (the same grandmother who comes to our house every Saturday and throws tantrums like a kid, refuses to bathe, and keeps asking when she is going home etc etc). Seems like her dementia is getting worse, because she can't even recognize her own house! When night falls she will demand to go home - even when she is already at home. She will get very angry when everyone just patronizes her. So in order to appease her, my uncle bundled her up into the car, drove from the multi-storey carpark down to the void deck of her house. She will willingly believe that that is her house when she returns to an empty house instead of one that is teeming with people. Aiyoh.

On 初三 my relatives came over and I lost at very badly at mahjong.. haha. My auntie waived off my "school fees" in the end. They are used to playing with bigger stakes so $0.20/$0.40 is too difficult for them to count. HAHA! 赚到! But I still lost $2 at blackjack.

Half of my break is gone, hopefully the other half will crawl along slowly... KTV with colleagues later!!!

Today my grandmother refused to bathe (again) and gave my little sister a light whack when she tried (in her limited Hokkien) to force her to bathe. Which resulted in little sister wailing and sobbing (but rather fakely IMO - I am evil) and crying out "Ah-ma slapped me!" I think she deserves a good smack every now and then but then that is purely just my opinion.

Digressing. So once the deed's done and the drama's over (and it was another round of "I don't want to change my clothes") my grandmother turns all suspicious about the fresh new clothes that she's wearing (she thinks they're not hers). I don't know where the paranoia stems from, but she seems disbelieving and will start muttering again when you tell her for the one hundred and eighty second time that YES THOSE CLOTHES ARE YOURS!!!!

Are old people neurotic or what?!

Sigh. When will I ever have peace on weekends?

Anyway there have been 4 resignations in the past week. When will it be my turn to join them?

My grandmother refuses to change her clothes after bathing. She insists on wearing her old clothes. Tell her otherwise and she will start muttering her displeasure. 念念念念念念念念念念念念念念念念念念念念念。。。。个不停.

When you grow old, please try not to be like that. It's not very pleasant.

My little sister is back. My days of peace and quiet are gone. Sigh.

I just informed my mom that I will be going to Cambodia in December, and just as I expected, she tsk-tsked about our choice of country and clucked about "daring" we are - 3 girls traipsing across an unknown (and possibly extremely dangerous) land.

This is called 先斩后奏. Haha.
We'll just have to be doubly, doubly careful.

I should probably save my money for next year but I keep getting tempted by all these cheap flight deals and wanderlust! And besides, I want to visit the Angkor Wat at least once in my lifetime! So terrible.

Sigh, so much for wanting to sleep early... I've been struggling to keep my eyes open at work these days. This is not good.
Tomorrow! I will sleep at 1am!

@_____@ and my little sister told me last night that my mom's on Facebook. !!!!!

I am a little disturbed that my soon-to-be-11-year-old sister is on Facebook!
@____@

Okay, a little bit of it is my fault coz she is obviously influenced by this game that I frequently play on Facebook called Pet Society. But if I can't do the things I want when she's around (for fear of tainting her mind), isn't it awfully restrictive for me?!

Oh I had a talk about the birds and the bees with her a fortnight ago too. Hahaha.